Rescue Dogs- Building Trust not Timelines

Bringing home a rescue dog is a BIG, hopeful moment. It can also be messy, emotional, and full of mixed messages from well-meaning friends and social media. We have over the decades worked with dogs, fostered hundreds of rescue dogs, and these are the things we have learned, not just as behaviourists, but also as carers.

So, get a cup of tea (or whatever you fancy!) and have a read...

Anything, and we mean ANYTHING you read or hear will be along the lines of:

"Three days, three weeks, three months..."

"Nip it in the bud..."

"Start as you mean to go on!"

Sometimes, those phrases accidentally push you to prioritise quick fixes, fast socialising and "getting the dog used to it". Let's just slow it down a bit. People often feel frustrated that their dog hasn't met the target or isn't exactly as the kennel or rescue or previous owners has described when honestly? The dog just doesn't feel safe or comfortable enough yet to cope. For many rescue dogs, especially those with disrupted attachments, that early pressure can slow progress rather than speed it up.

This guide is about a different starting point: Relationship BEFORE Expectations.

Why one-size-fits-all timelines can set you up to FAIL

The "3-3-3" idea is popular because it's simple and reassuring; giving you a structure and guide to follow. But rescue dogs AREN'T all arriving with the same history, temperament, genetics or resilience.

Some dogs attach quickly and seem to settle with ease. Others can take 6-12 months (or longer) to genuinely relax and bond, not because you have done anything wrong, but because their nervous system is working hard to feel safe again and adjust to a new life.

A better question than "Where should we be now?" is:

"What does my dog need today to feel safer and more settled than yesterday?"

Attachment: the missing piece in most advice

Attachment theory (John Bowlby's work) describes how mammals form bonds that create a secure base, a safe relationship that makes exploration possible. Many rescue dogs have experienced separation, loss, and disrupted attachments.

• they may have lost a person, a home, a routine, a familiar animal companion

• they may have been passed around or had inconsistent care

• they may be in a genuine grieving period, even if they appear "fine"

• They may have travelled across countries, in cages and crates, passed from person to person in a less than gentle fashion and removed from everything that they and their ancestors knew as predictable (we will be releasing our Foreign Rescue Guide soon!)

When attachment has been broke, "nipping things in the bud" can easily become pushing through stress. And "start as you mean to go on" can unintentionally sound like "don't comfort them, don't adjust, don't soften" when in reality, early compassion and predictability can often be exactly what builds trust and stability. Dogs, like children, need a responsive and predictable caregiver.

The Goal in the EARLY WEEKS: Safety and Predictability

Before tackling socialisation, guests and visitors, cafes, busy walks, training classes or "exposure", aim to build three foundations:

1) Predictable Routines

1. same feeding times

2. consistent opportunities to go to the toilet

3. calm, short walks (or garden breaks) rather than big overwhelming adventures in new places

4. LOTS of rest time

2) Calm, consent-based handling:

1. Avoid hovering, reaching over their head, cornering or constant fussing

2. use gentle invitations (side on posture, soft voices, slow movements)

3. Keep touch brief and neutral at first unless they request more

4. Watch for consent and early communication (our upcoming mini course will show you how to spot this)

3) A secure Based Relationship

1. MORE decompression time in a quiet house, resting, baby gates, fewer visitors, fewer outings

2. MORE predictable zones with one main resting space that is just for them, no touching, no approaching, just rest.

3. MORE letting them watch the world go by from a good distance

4. MORE hand feeding or some of their meals to build trust and engagement (if safe and appropriate)

5. MORE calm rewards: any moments of settling, soft body language and choosing to lie down.

6. MORE low pressure training, name responses, hand touch, "find it" scatter feeding.

7. LESS "meet everyone" tours

8. LESS dog-dense walks

9. LESS forcing greetings (of people and dogs especially)

10. LESS long car trips and busy environments

11. LESS harsh boundaries delivered through intimidation or repeating "no!"

How to Know if You're Going Too Fast:

Many rescue dogs don't show stress in obvious ways like growling. Look out for the following:

• scanning and hypervigilance (always "on duty")

• panting when it's not warm

• yawning and lip licking, shaking off (when 'nothing' has happened)

• pacing, inability to rest, startled responses

• refusal of food in situations when they're normally eat

clinginess that tips into panic when you are not there

If you see these signs, the answer is usually not "push through" - it's reduce intensity and increase predictability.

"But what about socialisation?"

Socialisation matters. Timing matters more. For many rescue dogs, the safest order is:

Safety at home > trust in you > calm routine > gentle exposure > gradual, positive experiences

Social confidence built on a secure base tends to last. Confidence built through overwhelm often cracks later.

When to Get Professional Support

Please reach out for qualified, trusted help sooner rather than later if you notice:

• growling, snapping, nipping, biting or near-misses

• panic when left alone 9howloing, destruction, drooling attempts at escape)

• Intense fear of people/dogs that worsens with exposure

• guarding of food, toys, space, people or themselves

• sudden behaviour changes that indicate pain or illness

• Reactivity to any stimulus

A good professional will be able to help you to slow things down, give you clear guidance supported by knowledge, results, evidence and improved behaviour (and a calmer happier dog) Focussing on welfare, building relationship and supporting calm. Not forcing them into a generic template.

Your rescue dog needs you to be consistent, observant, kind and willing to go at their pace. Not perfect.

Relationship comes before expectations, and once trust is there, the rest comes far easier.

Need help? Just let us know. We are here for you.

-Rachel & Laura x